Last month we wrote about ways to maximise employee potential in the workplace. That article was inspired by a study by the Association for Project Management which found that 21% of workers said they felt uncomfortable when asking for a promotion or pay rise, and 11% believed their bosses were unapproachable on the topic. In addition to this, 46% said that they felt less confident about asking for training to expand their skills or performance if it was not being offered to them by their employer. As training providers, we were concerned to read this, but not altogether surprised. When it comes to speaking up at work, many of us can feel like it is not our place to do so – or we are frightened of the consequences. We strongly believe that it’s time to start approaching this differently! If you’re asking for a pay rise or more training, what’s the worst that can happen? They might say no and that’s about it, so what can you do to be more assertive at work and more confident when asking for help (or more money!)

If you feel you don’t have the right personality to be more assertive, you could simply be making excuses for yourself. It’s time to change your mindset and be positive about what you can achieve. It will take time, effort, and practice but it will be worth it in the end

How to become more assertive at work

Practice what you are going to say

You may feel like a bit of a noodle giving a speech to yourself in front of the mirror – or the shower, but if you’ve already thought about what you are going to say and rehearsed a little bit, this can give you the confidence to be able to get the words out when it’s time to speak for real. Don’t try and repeat your speech verbatim as this may cause you to stumble over the words if you forget a few lines. Make some bullet points to communicate the gist of your message, count them so you know how many things you need to say and then use these as a guideline for getting your point across. It may help to practice what you are going to say in front of a supportive friend or family member and get some constructive feedback but only do this with people that you trust to support you, otherwise, if they are too critical you could end up feeling more anxious about it and make matters worse.

Learn from others

When you are lacking in confidence or not feeling assertive it can feel like everyone around you has got it sussed, but remember, they have all been where you are once too. Your boss may have hesitated to ask for a pay rise or felt self-conscious entering a room a few years ago but look at them now! By seeing others around you doing well and observing how they do it, you can gain the confidence to do well yourself. If they can do it, why can’t you? Often when someone seems confident, they may be acting like the classic ‘swan’ i.e., they appear all calm and collected as they ‘glide across the water’ but underneath they are paddling like mad to make it all happen! By watching your boss or other members of your team who appear very assertive you can learn from them. Check out their body language and notice how they are presenting themselves. What elements of this can you emulate to make you feel or appear to be more assertive?

Speak up

It’s no good to hide behind your notebook at team meetings if there are questions you want to ask or points you want to make. Again, preparation is everything so if you know beforehand what is on the agenda to be discussed, jot down a few points that you would like to make and then when the time is right during the meeting, add your thoughts. Your mouth may be dry, and you may think your voice sounds squeaky (it probably doesn’t) but you need to push through the fear and speak up. The more you speak up and put yourself out there, the easier it will become for you and if you’re making some good points or asking interesting questions then your colleagues will being to value and respect you more too.

Do it again

Now rinse and repeat! If things didn’t go your way the first time, this is not the time to give up and hide in the stationery cupboard. Your first time being assertive is unlikely to be perfect – but the chances are no one even noticed you messing up! Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up about it either. Review your experience and jot down a few ideas about how you can do better next time. Could you make any changes in the way you approached things, could you have phrased it better? Once you’ve made your notes, it’s time to stop replaying things in your head and move on. We all learn from our mistakes so treat this as part of your learning curve and keep working on being assertive, you will get there!

Becoming assertive

When people use the word ‘assertive’ we can sometimes think of it as meaning cocky or extroverted but to be truly assertive you need to demonstrate that you also respect the opinions of others and acknowledge how they might be feeling.

Assertive people are confident in themselves (something which may only come after you have been in your job for a certain amount of time and feel more comfortable in your role). They respect the opinions of others, are good listeners and can empathise with others’ opinions, even if they don’t always agree with them. People like to feel acknowledged and validated and an assertive person will make them feel as though they have been heard.

Assertive people are also good at problem-solving and reaching a compromise, both very valuable skills in the workplace, especially within teams when everyone wants a say.

Assertiveness isn’t all about being heard and getting your point across. Being assertive can also mean having the strength to say no – as we discussed in our blog about dodging cake! Sometimes workplace culture can see us being swept along with others and feeling obliged to participate in activities that we don’t want to do or trying too hard to be a people-pleaser, taking on extra jobs or hours that we don’t want when we’re already at capacity.

Confidence Courses

What can you do to become more assertive at work? Rather than deciding you’re an introvert and staying quiet, you first need to recognise that you can change your mindset without changing your personality or becoming something you’re not. You may also feel more motivated if you take a closer look at how you can benefit from speaking up and list the pros and cons. The Association for Project Management study we mentioned at the beginning of this article found that although people were reluctant to ask for a pay rise, 70% of men and 50% of women said they had received a promotion once they simply built up the courage to ask for one.

Some training can help to give you a confidence boost with effective strategies to help you to step into your success and feel the wind beneath your wins!

If you’d like to talk to us about taking some training, we can help with everything from assertiveness to stress management. Email hello@develerate.com for more details.